Our Engagement Pictures

When we booked our photographer, I was really excited about having our engagement pictures taken. An hour of glamour shots of me and my boo? Um, yeah, count me in. I quickly booked us an hour shoot in Santa Cruz on Joel's 29th birthday on a Thursday evening during my spring break. I didn't know exactly where we were going to take pictures or what I would wear or what Joel would wear, but I was very excited nonetheless.

Then... the terror struck. What would I wear?! What would Joel wear?!?! Where would we take the pictures?!?!? How would my big, ol' nose photograph?!? The day of the shoot, I actually had stomach pains I was so nervous and the first 5 minutes was spent nervously giggling and acting like  a straight-up fool... getting pictures taken in public was pretty awkward and I probably came off as a giant idiot to our photographer. Eventually, I defrosted a bit and started to get the hang of taking pictures: getting awkwardly close, nose to nose, laughing on command and lots and lots of kissing. I'm not one to shy away from PDA, but doing it in front of a camera was surprisingly challenging.

We kissed, we hugged, we walked around Santa Cruz and we even changed outfits (note: if I were to do these pictures over, I might not have changed outfits. It was a huge hassle in the car and I think I flashed our photographer. Sorry, Michael!) Not even 24 hours later we had our engagement pictures and they are stunning. Who knew we could be so freaking hot? I love them, Joel loves them, our family loves them...we're so happy with them and can't wait to use them everywhere in our wedding. For example, we weren't going to have save the dates. Now? Well... they're already ordered! I'm also thinking we'll have a photo guest book... how about giant life-sized posters? Kidding. Here's the pics:

one of the first pictures we took & an example of my nervous laughter. note: joel was much more composed and comfortable in front of the camera, he's my male model!

we took photos in 2 locations: the first was an abandoned moon temple i used to live behind in college. freaky then, but cool now.

one of my absolute favorites

the cool moon temple gate

after our outfit change, we walked a block to the cliffs to take some pictures. 

gah, look at him! how did i get so lucky. i think you can see it on my face too... i'm kind of obsessed with this guy

all images c/o Michael James Photography

Our photographer Michael is amazing. Joel and I are still in awe of his incredible skill and ability to put us at ease. He was so easy to talk to and directed us without making us seem like idiots. I'm glad we got to spend some time with him (way more than the hour he booked us for!) before the wedding and I can't wait to see his pictures in February!

My Last Name, My Identity?

...do I have to change my last name?

When I was a kid, I HATED my name. My poor mom. I constantly asked her why she had to give me such a terrible name: it is VERY French and SUPER Catholic (two things which I'm REALLY not), it rhymes with nothing, and people mispronounce both my first and last name all the time. Heck, even I mispronounce my own name from time to time (which is why I never correct people. People like phonetics and English, who am I to say otherwise?). But then I got older. I grew to appreciate my unique name and what it stood for. 

My mom, whom I am especially close with, raised me as a single mom. I have her last name, not my father's. I share my last name with my grandfather and grandmother, two of the most special people in my life. My grandmother was a beloved elementary school teacher for many years. When she died in 2010, some of her students attended her funeral, remembering her as a teacher who truly changed their life. Now I have my own students calling me the same name of my grandmother (albeit I'm 'Miss' and she was 'Mrs.) It's a really special connection that I think about all the time. My last name gets all kinds of compliments and when people do say it right, they feel so proud of themselves, "Did I say it right? I did?! YAY!!" I love giving people that gratification. Plus, my name is alliterative, like Peter Parker or Mandy Moore! Gotta love that!

  

great alliterative names: Peter Parker, Mandy Moore and MINE!

Now it's time for me to consider what my new married name will be. Historically, women have given up their last name and adopted their husbands, we all know that. Every other woman in my large extended family has taken their husband's name. But if I give up my name, I feel like I will be giving up a huge part of my identity: my connection to my mom and grandparents, my cool teacher name, my talking point with strangers, my alliteration. However, I always thought I would share a name with my husband and my new family. Joel's last name though... it's no MY last name. My unique, one-in-a-million, very French, very Catholic last name. The name I've been known for my entire life. The name on my degrees. My identity.

Lots of colleagues have talked at the lunch table about the importance of taking your husband's last name: it's a way to be connected and establish your family. Their point is pretty convincing. They would then turn to me and ask my plans, and I would sheepishly say, "I was thinking of keeping my name?" and then they backpedal like crazy, "Oh no, you should totally do that!" ...thanks, guys. So helpful. 

It's hard for me to think that a majority of our society thinks that women need to give up a part of their identity in order to establish a family. It feels like I would literally be ripping off an appendage if I had to give my name up. Of course, Joel isn't forcing me to give up my name. He loves my current name, and he doesn't want me to feel like I have to change it. I appreciate his support, but I am still struggling because I feel like I'm surrounded by name-change encouragers! 

It's a crazy difficult decision to make! I know I'm not the only one struggling with this decision. As more and more states overturn bans on gay marriages, there are more and more couples navigating the tricky name change waters. On gaymanners.com, one woman asked about the "new" traditions around gay and lesbian couples working through the whole name change process. Here was their response:

read the whole article here

The Gay Manners website totally helped me think with a whole new clarity on my name. Basically, I feel like I'm picking between the first two options. I'm either going to...

• Keep my name (no change at all) 
• Hyphenate (Mrs. Marie Mylastname-Hislastname)

If I go with the second option, my new last name would be 16 letters long - yikes! But I think it may be worth it to keep my name a part of me while also establishing a connection with Joel and his family. When we have kids, we may have to have another difficult conversation about names (I'm also the last of the grandchildren who can have a boy and carry on the name), but we have some time before we worry about that. 

What did you decide to do about your last name? Change it immediately, pull a Sarah Michelle Gellar and change it in 5 years, kept your name? Let's hear about it! I need more options! 

My First Wedding Craft: Cupcake Toppers

Summer's here, and I've got time on my hands, baby!

However, that freedom won't last forever. Similar to my students, I have a busy couple of months ahead of me. Soon my summer will be filled with professional development and summer school teaching. However, right now I'm in recovery/relaxation mode. Taking care of myself, sleeping in, reading, running, BLOGGING, and doing some of the wedding chores I need to do. While writing checks and making phone calls is productive, I wouldn't call it fun. So while I had a free afternoon in front of me, I decided to tackle one of the crafts I had my eye on for the wedding: cupcake toppers.

 

onewed.com

 egala.com

 

Since we're planning on having cupcakes at our wedding, I wanted to do something to jazz up the plain  frosting on each petite cake. Browsing around online I found a ton of cute cupcake toppers, but I wasn't eager to spend a ton on something that would inevitably end up on some table at the end of the night: no one wants to take these puppies home, I'm sure... 

bhldn.com

I loved the look of these 5 gold sparkly hearts from bhldn, but I didn't love the price. Plus, there were only 5 of the toppers, and I'm still not sure if we're even having a cutting cake or just cupcakes, so the size wasn't very practical. What's a girl to do? Craft it myself!

 

Now, this craft is far from rocket science. My materials were flippin' simple:

• Martha Stewart heart paper punch
• Glittery scrapbook paper
• Mini wooden dowels
• Glue gun

All I did was punch out the hearts in rapid succession over an empty box, glue one side, slap a dowel down, place another heart on top, squeeze and then, boom! Cupcake topper. (Sorry my instructions are lame, but seriously? This project was too simple.)

Of course, I was also mixing up the paper and using this really cool, extra sparkly paper that the paper punch just could not handle, so I've somehow already jammed the thing. The punch will be going back to Michael's tomorrow, because I have 27 of these babies ready to go, but I'm aiming for one on each cupcake, so 98 more to go, at least!  

My next craft looks like it is going to be a disaster (a gold glittery initial letter for a table). Looks like I'll just be hiding it somewhere in the decor! What was your first wedding craft project like? Simple or complicated? Success or failure?